Review: Saints Row the Third

This game originally had a three sentence review: “There is a character who speaks entirely in autotune. What more do you need to know? Buy it now.” But my professionalism (and my editor*) insists I write more. Well alright then.

Saints Row the Third is designed with one singular purpose: to be entertaining. I know all games are a form of entertainment, but the team at Volition have gone out of their way to ensure that this game is as fun as it can possibly be. The game is stupid, nonsensical and psychopathic, but it’s also not trying to be anything else, and it gives you the heads up nice and early. One of the earliest missions (literally fifteen minutes into the game) will involves leaping out a plane TWICE, each time followed up by a frenetic, freefalling gunfight.

This is in the first fifteen minutes. I didn’t even mention the bobble-headed helicopter-based bank heist.

This is what I mean by getting a heads-up. When you’re a game with a reputation for being batsh*t crazy, the best thing to do is lay all your cards on the table at the beginning. “Dear player, I am going to be THIS NUTS, get used to it.”

And it goes on from there. It actually gets crazier. You know how games are filled with moral dilemmas, some with no purpose other than to tug on your guiltstrings? This game has none of that. It is anarchy with achievements. And you know what? It is fun to be a reckless, murderous, psychopathic badass. Run over people, or beat them up and THEN run over them. Or steal their money, beat them up and THEN run over them. I say this as someone who, when given the choice, will always do the right thing. My Fable characters are basically nuns who create chain lightning. I have never made a “bad” choice in a game. So, in Saints Row, to be given free run to do all the bad stuff without feeling bad about it? It is SUCH a gift.

So how did we get to Saints Row the Third? The Third Street Saints, once kings of Stilwater, are now a global media empire, with their own range of clothing and energy drinks (Saints Flow—nice touch). But trouble comes knocking in the form of The Syndicate, a conglomerate of three gangs who control the nearby town of Steelport and want the power of the Saints for their own. As leader of the Saints, you set up shop in Steelport and attempt to a vengeful takeover of the city.

How to do that? The mechanic of the previous games are still there: earn cash and respect to work your way up. However, unlike the Saints Row 2, you don’t need to earn nominal levels of respect (by completing the activities) in order to unlock the story missions. The story missions are readily accessible, some of them actually incorporating the activities, giving them a more solid context; doing them feels like it’s part of your overall goal, not just a stupid (if ridiculously fun) diversion.

And yes, Insurance Fraud is back.

I found the seamless tie-in of story missions to activities to be a huge boost to the game. Side missions are by definition to the side, and they can either feel like a chore, or unnecessary padding. Integrating them makes them more fun to do, and if they are padding, well it’s at least slightly more forgivable.

If even a fun, integrated story is too much story for you, perhaps you’d like Horde Mode? Sorry: Whored Mode? Choose a character, saddle up, and fight wave after wave of themed enemies. Some of them sexy, most of them not (gimps with giant marital aides for weapons!), and all of them deadly. Especially the miniature mascots. (And keep an eye on the level titles. Nearly every one of them is either a ridiculous pun, or a subtle dig at other game titles.)

So we’ve established the game is fun in all the ways, but that’s not to say it’s without flaw. Hijacking cars always results in the same bizarre camera spasm, which means whatever he’s doing to the driver of the car can’t be seen. I’m sure there’s a great little animation of pointless violence, but all I get is spinny, jaggedy inside-the-glovebox-cam.

Getting from one location to another to start each mission is still tiresome. Unlike other open world driving games, getting from one end of the map to the other is relatively speedy, but it’s still a bit of a drag, and even “a bit of a drag” is enough to snap you out of an immersive gaming experience.

Also (and most frustratingly), when the triangle button (I played on a PS3) means both take a human shield AND walk casually to the nearest car and hop in, it can make for infuriating gunfights. I know this is always an area of danger where context-sensitive buttons are concerned, but the problem popped up enough times for me to make a note of it. It’s not a dealbreaker, but it’s frustrating. Just stay away from car doors when you’ve got your guns out.

On the whole, Saints Row the Third is a fantastically fun game. The ridiculous side missions, the even more ridiculous story missions, the OTT character customisation options—it was a bit of an “everything including the kitchen sink” approach; which failed for Fable 2, but works a treat here. I love a good moody game, or a psychological thriller, or a survival horror, or a SRS BZNS shooter, but the balls-to-the-wall mad FUN of this game is something I didn’t even know I was missing.

To put how much fun I had in context: I am an Xbox 360 guy, and the review copy was for the PS3. I thought maybe I’d play enough to get my review material together, and then put it down, and grab a 360 copy at some point down the track – but I have been consistently playing on the PS3, and will continue to play until I’ve finished. Then, when I get my 360 copy (so I can co-op with my friends), I will play it again. And this time I’m going to be shiny-blue skinned dude with a superhero suit and furry slippers.

Yes, you can do that.

*Editor’s Note: Yep.